Well my insomniac ass is still awake (12:24 am) and I've still got a few hours left until I finally conk out for the night.
I'm really just gleaming with pleasure and joy and satisfaction and ....badassery. Mmm yes that's a good word.
I feel my warrior woman in flow.
I feel my poet inspired and writing.
I feel my dreamer opening up to the cosmos.
I feel my activist clearing her throat and ready to roar.
I feel my lover warming up and ready to pour her heart into doing what she does best.
I feel my sensualista tingling at every nerve ending, ready to touch with intention.
Can you feel it too?
A fire rumbling within you? The finally volcanic eruption about to blow?
The lights within you clicking on, one at a time.
This is your moment. It always has been. You've felt every single, solitary moment leading up to this very fraction of time. Where everything clicks into place. Where you see everything as if you're seeing it for the first time.
You feel like a newborn, right?
Screaming as the lights shine in your eyes, yet so eager to live, to explore, to ask all the why's and touch, taste and smell the world. Experience it.
This life is so sweet. So bittersweet at times. It has its pains, but oh Gods does it have its pleasures.
I'm flirting with life.
I am romancing it.
I am enticing it.
I'm attracting it.
I'm challenging it (and its challenging me).
I am here with it, at its side
As it's always been at mine
I am not ever letting go.
I am not ever going to stop.
I may take a break here and there, but I'll always come back.
I am the ocean waves, do not be fooled by my crash, its only my rebirth.
And I come back larger, deeper and stronger every time.
This week was a fabulous week of breakthroughs with my clients
My brother is graduating this Saturday AND got his first job already
I get to see my siblings for the summer now that they're out of school
I have met some amazing people and rekindled friendships with old friends who became my strength
I am at a place of peace, pleasure and passion in my life unlike I can even describe
....even have a new romantic interest which is pretty amazingly interesting
I am blessed. Truly, madly, deeply, completely....blessed.
I'm just sitting here, musing prior to the new moon in gemini tomorrow. I'm prepping action plans and notes taken from my sessions with my clients this week so far, I'm enjoying the calmness of the air outside as I gaze at the trees. I'm feeling VERY here, but not here.
Not in a bad way...
I'm very aware of what is happening right now. I'm quite literally shape shifting. I'm quite literally letting go of the old me. Every ounce of her. So that the new me can breathe and be loved and be seen and be heard. Finally...after all this time of waiting.
SHE IS READY.
She is so done with old patterns. She is so done with returning to things that no longer serve her just because they're familiar. She's realizing that a lot of the familiar hasn't been so good for her either. She is realizing that she's done with everything that isn't her.
She is making peace with her past and with expectations not met.
She is making peace with who she REALLY is, because who she really is...is beautiful.
She is making peace with her inner Love Priestess, with her inner Exorcist, with her inner Gypsy.
She is owning her position as a healer, as a banisher, as a truth seer and as a magickal speaker.
She can move mountains with her words, and heal with a gaze.
She can love from a distance, and enter the subconscious of all who connect to her.
She is magick in motion, and magick is not linear, its not perfect, its not anal or conservative.
Magick is intense, intentional, vibrational, directed and felt in the heart.
Even the most chaotic or hurting heart can make magick happen in his/her favor.
There is no way to peace, peace is what you are and CAN be. You simply have to tune into your feelings and love the places within you that feel the most distracted, disoriented and disturbed. Those places will teach you more about what you want than ever. Tune into your heart at this moment.
* Is it hurting
* Is it confused
* Is it tired and fed up
* Is it wanting to take a leap, but the mind is too afraid
* It it wanting to express things it had been too nervous to express
Go into those places and make peace with them by giving them what they need.
* If you're hurting, what is still causing you pain? End this now.
* If you're confused, what is causing you to mistrust yourself? End this now.
* If you're tired and fed up, what is fatiguing you? Do what lights you up, instead! Find your fire.
* If you're wanting to take a leap, ask yourself what is on the other side that you're REALLY scared of
* If you desire to express, ask yourself what you get out of expressing...and then go do it.
Give yourself what you've been needing all along. Go into the places you've been denying this whole time and accept them, nourish them and answer them. Stop living with screams in your head and sorrows in your heart.
Silence them by making peace happen in the way it has to happen for YOU.
Do it now. Don't wait. Not anymore.
You know what you need to do, so do it.
You are supported.
So I had just gotten off a call last night....
The kind of call that really connects you to a person and lets you see that you're not alone in this world when it comes to your mission. The mission of soul recovery. It's good to know there are others out there on this same mission and that we're spreading this kind of healing like WILDFIRE.
After my call last night, I just sat there. Basking in the afterglow of a good connection and just thought of my work and the people I connect to daily and the impact I've been given a chance to make here on this globe.
The first two months of the year were rough. I won't lie, they were shitty as fuck. But last night, it was as if the angels were all around me, touching me on the shoulder and giving me a brand new perspective. I just thought to myself...wow...everyone says I HAVE TO be messed up after this break up. That I won't be able to recover for awhile.
Why does it have to be that way?
Why can't I choose to be happy instead?
Why can't I choose to get over it now?
Why can't I choose to live my life beyond it?
Why must i drag it on? I was miserable for awhile and now that I'm free of that, I'm supposed to be MORE miserable? As part of my healing process? Because its acceptable to be? No, actually, truly healing for ME personally would be to rebel against the misery and let myself be HAPPY.
I made myself miserable for someone for years.
I made myself miserable for others for so long.
I put my joy on the back burner MANY times.
So no, continuing to be miserable and treading through the murky waters of this heartbreak would not be good for me. And i refuse to conform to it because that's what is acceptable. What you focus on grows. I am no longer going to grow anything in that relationship, so why focus on it? Why not focus on the relationship I grow with myself?
Yeah, I like that.
If you're struggling with a breakup, heartbreak or the loss of a lover or friend, I'm telling you this. The bravest and most healing thing you can do is BE HAPPY. You are not supposed to be anything other than what is natural for you. Sure you're going to have your moments where all you want to do is cry or scream or fuck shit up. But why drag it out? Why expect it daily? Let it happen when it happens, but other than that...go LIVE babe. Be happy.
Dare to discover who you are beyond the pain. That's the point. That's the primary objective. Is remembering that you are NOT your circumstances. You are NOT your emotions. You are who you choose to be. You are not a slave to circumstance or opinion. You are a free spirit.
Run wild, child.
It was during a breakthrough call with a client yesterday that I realized the importance of making this post. In the three years I've been doing this work I've worked with people who've been through abuse, neglect, betrayal, heartache, relationship issues, identity issues and more. But I've also dealt with the looked over types of traumas people possess and hold inside them too. The little things that single handedly played a part in the dysfunctional and limiting ways some of us think and behave. I've seen those subtle things take over peoples lives in major ways.
So that is what I'll be talking about today.
Trauma that we don't really know about, but on some level, we remember through our actions, behaviors, thought processes and beliefs.
Yesterday the lady I spoke to was telling me how she was very shy and unable to branch out. She had issues speaking in small groups and really forming connections. So we dug deeper and figured out that connection meant intimacy and intimacy was scary, because she'd have to reveal her real self. Intimacy meant expression, which was something she craved. But she was more afraid of not being truly seen or heard, so she held back.
This came from two things that were done to her in very small, yet insidious ways. One of the things being that she was blatantly ignored growing up. She'd talk and repeat herself and her family members would tell her that they heard her. Basically, telling her she was being ignored and not worthy of a reaction.
This was just one example of how a small, subtle trauma can have a huge effect on the makeup of a child as they grow into adulthood. We are all sponges, especially when we're young. We soak in so much from the time we are in the womb until we're about 8 years old. Those are the years we soak in the most information and apply it to how we are going to grow.
So yes, I believe you when you say that you don't feel right, when you say you feel like you're wired wrong, when you say you aren't living up to your potential, when you say you feel depressed and don't know why. I believe you and I don't think that ANY trauma is more relevant than the other. Trauma is trauma, and if its had a substantial and weighty effect on how you live your life then it IS a problem.
But every problem has a solution. I promise you. You're not crazy.
So many people downplay their more subtle traumas, saying things like:
"Oh I could have had it worse."
"There are people out there who struggled more than me."
"I'm just over exaggerating and need to get over it."
And you know what they're doing? They're treating themselves the same exact way that others have treated them. Like they don't matter.
If this is you, know you're not alone and that your pain, however big or small, IS STILL RELEVANT, and yes there is an antidote. You admitting this pain exists has been the first step and I'm super proud of you. Validate yourself first. That is super healing.
BREAKTHROUGH SESSIONS AVAILABLE
Schedule your 20 minute breakthrough session with me. What would you give to have a breakthrough? 20 minutes is sometimes all it takes to turn the light on in your darkest moment. And its absolutely FREE. Book a session here.
One of my favorite forms of energy is sensual/sexual energy. Because it is literally life force energy on fire. It is one of the most intense forms of life force energy within us and it is a creative force, it is a building force, an initiating energy and an overall manifesting energy.
Think of the initial starting point of arousal. Being turned on, so fascinated and stimulated by something or someone that it feels like everything in your body begins to light up. Tingling with energy, pulsating with desire, shivering with anticipation of whats to come next.
Then the build up begins, the energy rises from your lower chakra (genital area) up through the rest of your body. Your breathing gets a little heaver (take deep breaths, really savor the vibe), your skin starts to get goose pimply, every touch or sensation is super sensitive now and totally sets you off.
You feel more flirty, you feel more courageous, you feel more daring, you feel more demanding, you feel more wanting, you feel more straightforward about what you want.
You are sharper, you are clearer, you are more alert.
Everything is on and ready. You are super connected to the divine and the pleasurable all at once. The body and the spirit. You feel like you can do anything, because you CAN.
Utilizing the power of your senses and your sexuality can be so beneficial in healing. One of the two favorite practices I utilize is energy breathing. I clench my vaginal muscles and as i clench i breathe in the energy up through my body and hold it as long as i can before releasing the breath. The next exercise I like to do is giving myself a full massage from the feet on up. Carefully paying attention to and loving on every inch of skin that I caress and rub.
Now combine that physical act of breathing and massaging and focus an intention there, an emotionally charged intention? WHEW baby! You will see EXACTLY what a powerhouse you are. The most popular form of energy work one can use sexual and sensual energy for is healing. This can be emotional healing, sexual healing, traumatic healing, soul healing, physical healing. Anything that that desires YOU to desire IT.
Use any of the following affirmations while implementing the above practices I just told you about:
"Into me I see emotional wellness and balance"
"Into me I see the sexy, confident me that I am."
"Into me I see strength and power."
"Into me I see a wealth of value"
"Into me I see a massive amount of potential."
"Into me I see that healing is taking place."
As long as you begin your affirmation with "into me I see" you're good to go. With sexual and sensual energy play, you're giving as well as receiving, so remember that you're taking INTO yourself the ability TO (fill in the blank) which gives back as well.
That'll be all for todays lesson. If you're in need of healing something, why don't you take a moment to feel yourself, love yourself, nourish yourself and expand yourself? Just a slight touch of attention to yourself can spark arousal, which then inspires you to act.
We'll talk about the power of orgasm next time ;) One thing at a time. You can't rush these things right?
What if I told you that your biggest obstacle you're currently facing is most definitely THE DOORWAY that will take you to where you want to go right now? What if you knew that facing this big FUCKER (as I call it) could open you up to so much more than you'd ever imagined?
Most of the time we live in this belief state of "I am my circumstance" when you're not that at all. That is so very limiting, really. But we love our limitations, because we are so afraid of our own power to actually change shit. We're afraid of what would happen if we actually got what we wanted or did what we fantasize about doing. We love our fantasy, but reality is too harsh.
And so therefore we remain in a stagnant state of stalemate with our obstacle because we know what we want is on the other side, but we also don't have a "plan" on what to do with what lies on the other side. We think we need a plan for everything, and so rather than just break through the fucking wall and take a whiff of the new atmosphere, we'd rather breathe in the dust of our limiting beliefs and stale routine.
What is your BIGGEST obstacle right now, my dear? What is the thing you've been hardcore struggling with for the last 90 days?
Now imagine yourself breaking through that and coming out on the other side?
+What would you have to change about yourself in order to break through?
+ What would change as a result of you breaking through?
+ How would your entire routine in life shift because you broke through this one big FUCKER?
Those are the key answers as to what lies on the other side for you, so the biggest question of them all is, what is so scary about all of that for you?
That fear is the fuel to your biggest current fucker. Face that fucker and bust that fucker wide open so you can UNFUCK yourself.
Thats right, you heard me...
Today we're going to talk about rituals. Sacred rituals and how you can make every day a ritual space of sacred and intentional practice. On full moons like this I smile to myself as people from all over stress to make an elaborate ritual or overdo the practice.
Don't get me wrong, if thats what works for you, then go for it. Some people are very ceremonial and that is fine.
As long as the intention is held at all times, then you do what you want.
The definition of spiration is to invite the holy spirit within yourself to motivate and move you to do great things. It literally means the movement of spirit within the human body. Then when we add the word "in" to the beginning of that, its like an open invitation to the spirit of movement and living our magick. We invite co-creation with the divine because we remember that we are a vessel, a temple for something much more sacred than we ever imagined.
We are not our past.
We are not our pain.
We are not the relationships we've had.
We are not our Mother.
We are not our Father.
We are not our current living space.
We are not anything we attach ourselves to.
We are what makes us feel alive.
We are what makes us feel free again.
We are what reminds us that magick exists.
We are those little whispers in the back of our minds that tell us to go left instead of right.
We are the giggles at work that break the long, awkward silence.
We are dance moves we bust out in the car before entering that corporate job.
Inspiration is an invitation to remember how divine you are.
Choose to be inspired today. To be completely enveloped in the spirit of movement, living, magick making and creating. Choose to be filled with nostalgia as you remember where you came from and what you came here for. You came here to do something great. And it doesn't have to be in leaps and bounds. It doesn't have to be big and bold with florescent lighting. Sometimes your mission can involve simply smiling at people who you may never meet again. You could save their lives just by acknowledging them.
Your life matters. You're here and I'm SUPER glad.
So my sister and I were discussing a few issues she was struggling with earlier. It really made me realize something. I think I finally figured out the disease that plagued my Mother and made her turn into this ugly version of herself.
My Mother, I firmly believe, did not want to be a wife and Mother unfortunately. I really think she just tried to conform to being something she thought she should have been, but really didn't want to be. My Mother was a free spirit and I think she repressed very many aspects of herself to make everyone else happy and think she was a good person.
She didn't know she was already capable of being a good and happy person (without anyones permission).
Of course that still doesn't absolve her of her wrongs, but I can understand it. My dad said she wasn't ALWAYS that way (abusive, neglectful, selfish, etc) so what happened?
You fill in the blanks and draw your own conclusion. I'm not here to dredge up a history I can't re-write. I am here to talk about cycle breaking, blank slates and rebooting of a story that seems to insidiously show itself within its offspring.
I realized that my biggest fear was being like my Mother, yet I was repeating the same cycle she lived through that turned her into what she became. I was repressing myself, living my life FOR others and through the opinions of others, I was not being MY-self, because I felt MY - SELF had no value unless I was doing for others, performing, adapting.
My sister was discussing this same problem.
The cycle can be broken through her and I. If we just show people the multifaceted aspects of women. Men are multifaceted too. No man or woman is the same, and that is what is so perfect about us. That is what makes it so necessary for us to connect, to blend, to create something new together.
The disease that tore my Mother apart and poisoned her is not going to poison me or my sister. Rock your weird, shine even when it feels like the world is blinding itself to you. You weren't meant to be seen by everyone. But if you turn yourself onto life in the way that pleases you, the right people and situations will see you.
I fucking promise you that.
Break the cycle of needing to be needed, liked, approved of or whatever is keeping you in bondage. Break the chains, they never existed any way. You created them the moment you started moving, acting, breathing and living FOR the eyes of others. Life is not a broadway show, not everyone is here for you, not everyone is excited to meet you, not everyone will appreciate you.
That doesn't mean you stop living, that doesn't mean you stop being you. You were given this one unique life, don't waste it putting on an act. Do you really wanna be on your deathbed feeling like your entire life was a lie? Do you really want to go through a midlife/quarter life crisis because you have no sense of identity?
FUCK NO. SKIP THAT SHIT. BREAK THE CYCLE BABE.
You got this.
You're here and I'm glad.
Also, nice butt.
So I did a livestream earlier on the difference between what you want and what you get. And I felt like writing about it too, because well, its rich material to soak in. For myself included. I'm doin the work too, so don't forget about that shit.
The difference between what you WANT & what you GET is what you're WILLING to DO to GET what you WANT.
1. Write down all your desires
2. Write down (for each one) everything you'd have to start doing right NOW to get what you want.
3. Then ask yourself, WHAT are you willing to do first off those lists. What sticks out the most off all those lists?
And fucking start there, babe. Start there and you'll be one step closer to your desires being fulfilled. And don't look down on baby steps, baby steps are still steps. Sometimes you gotta crawl before you can stand. Then stand, gain your footing and walk a little. Take your time with this. This isn't a race, remember that. You're not doing this to prove yourself, you're doing this to improve yourself for YOU.
Improve (I'm - PROOF).
You are proof of everything you believe in and desire. So if you don't like what you believe in or your desires are tearing you apart, then change that shit, hot stuff. You are fire waiting to be discovered.
Here's an example of three major desires I have:
1) completely eliminate my anxiety and depression
2) learn a new instrument
3) make a steady income again so I can help my family
Now what do I have to DO to make that happen?
1) I have to speak my mind more, I have to express ALL my emotions and not just the ones I think are acceptable to others, I have to stop giving a shit what other people think, I have to be completely who I am and not hide anything, I have to step outside my comfort zone again and try new things.
2) Buy myself a cheap starter guitar (thats the instrument I want to start playing) and ask my guitar playing friends to teach me.
3) Hustle and create and perform exercises that I know open my creativity and start my day off just right so that I stay in the zone and stay intensely in the creative work flow. I need to be open to any and all other opportunities that align with my soul goals and financial goals. I need to get clear on how much money I'd need to make that would make ME feel secure and confident and own that shit. I need to work in synch with my V.A. and tell her EVERYTHING about me and my business so that she can work to the best of her ability to help me in the wide world of the web!
And thats all just a chip in the entire iceburg of shit I need and want to do.
And the deal breaking question....
AM I WILLING TO DO ALL OF THAT?
YES. I'm scared and nervous and all that shit, but I am willing to do whatever it takes to get what I want. Because my happiness and my success and my peace is important to me.
For once, I am making MYSELF a priority and I'm gonna love myself so good.
How about YOU?
Welcome to my journal, beautiful soul. Here is where you'll have a sneak peek into the deeper recesses of my Priestess Brain! The good, the bad, the ugly, the sparkly.