It was during a breakthrough call with a client yesterday that I realized the importance of making this post. In the three years I've been doing this work I've worked with people who've been through abuse, neglect, betrayal, heartache, relationship issues, identity issues and more. But I've also dealt with the looked over types of traumas people possess and hold inside them too. The little things that single handedly played a part in the dysfunctional and limiting ways some of us think and behave. I've seen those subtle things take over peoples lives in major ways.
So that is what I'll be talking about today.
Trauma that we don't really know about, but on some level, we remember through our actions, behaviors, thought processes and beliefs.
Yesterday the lady I spoke to was telling me how she was very shy and unable to branch out. She had issues speaking in small groups and really forming connections. So we dug deeper and figured out that connection meant intimacy and intimacy was scary, because she'd have to reveal her real self. Intimacy meant expression, which was something she craved. But she was more afraid of not being truly seen or heard, so she held back.
This came from two things that were done to her in very small, yet insidious ways. One of the things being that she was blatantly ignored growing up. She'd talk and repeat herself and her family members would tell her that they heard her. Basically, telling her she was being ignored and not worthy of a reaction.
This was just one example of how a small, subtle trauma can have a huge effect on the makeup of a child as they grow into adulthood. We are all sponges, especially when we're young. We soak in so much from the time we are in the womb until we're about 8 years old. Those are the years we soak in the most information and apply it to how we are going to grow.
So yes, I believe you when you say that you don't feel right, when you say you feel like you're wired wrong, when you say you aren't living up to your potential, when you say you feel depressed and don't know why. I believe you and I don't think that ANY trauma is more relevant than the other. Trauma is trauma, and if its had a substantial and weighty effect on how you live your life then it IS a problem.
But every problem has a solution. I promise you. You're not crazy.
So many people downplay their more subtle traumas, saying things like:
"Oh I could have had it worse."
"There are people out there who struggled more than me."
"I'm just over exaggerating and need to get over it."
And you know what they're doing? They're treating themselves the same exact way that others have treated them. Like they don't matter.
If this is you, know you're not alone and that your pain, however big or small, IS STILL RELEVANT, and yes there is an antidote. You admitting this pain exists has been the first step and I'm super proud of you. Validate yourself first. That is super healing.
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Welcome to my journal, beautiful soul. Here is where you'll have a sneak peek into the deeper recesses of my Priestess Brain! The good, the bad, the ugly, the sparkly.